By Lola Louise
We all have our dreams and we all have our struggles but what happens when one gets in the way of the other…Total chaos. Since I was a child, I would vividly dream about what I could offer the world. What it would feel like if I could change the world? When people hear the word “autism” they always seem to look at it, as the things we can’t do, instead of what we can do.
It’s hard being misunderstood, being put in the “no” box because your brain works in a different way. Sometimes it takes for us to hit rock bottom before we can realise our true potential. I call this the storm.
You have the big waves of emotion coming full force trying to wipe you out, but you have to get on that surf board and ride the wave to get into a better place. My dreams can often be that wave, they like to come crashing down around me and make me feel that I’m drowning in others expectation for who I should be by now.
At nearly 21, I’ve never felt as lost as I am now. Most my age are at University around the country, have been working since they were 16 or some are still in college getting extra qualifications. Then there’s the minority who fall through the gaps. There’s a few of us, we fight every day to be considered normal or good enough to be someone or to be in a job.
Do I want a job? Yes. Do I still want chase my dreams? Yes. You’re probably thinking “girl, hurry up and tell us your dreams” I want to be happy and create an everlasting statement on the world like the ones who paved the way before me. Another dream is to walk into my families houses and say “I did it, they want my TV show” or movie or whatever I decide to write at the time which could be anything or nothing depending on how much you open your mind.
The best thing is to give the unexpected. Leave a cliffhanger. A “who done it?” That’s one story I definitely would like to tell. Some say it’s cliche but they haven’t met me yet. Nothing I ever do is cliche, it has it’s own unique flair. Let’s face it, who wants to be a sheep and follow the crowd? I wasn’t born to. I was born and ended up looking like the iconic Audrey Hepburn. Now that’s something to follow. Follow in the footsteps of an amazing woman who left a positive contribution. Bet you didn’t expect that, right? But that is me. I’m a 20 year old who looks and feels like she belongs somewhere far away from here.
I would love to actually feel that I’ve found my place in this world. It would be joyous and liberating, I need to stop pondering first and start living this crazy and wonderful tale that I’m writing. Even though the 4 walls around me may be small, my dreams will never be.
Don’t be put in a box, break it down and think outside it. That’s the smart thing to do. We may be stuck inside at the moment but our brains aren’t. They are constantly dreaming and romanticising about the day we can finally be free and be whole again.
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